Clearing a Misconception: Why I'm an Atheist (hint - it's not gay marriage)

After the St Petersburg Times article about "52 Weeks, 52 Religions with John Hummel, I received a few emails and comments that go something like this:

"Just because the Mormon church is against gay marriage doesn't seem like a reason to become an atheist."

I don't blame the article - I did leave the Latter Day Saint (aka Mormon) church over their behavior in the gay marriage debate. But I had been an atheist long before.

I've been an "in closet atheist" for about ten years. I won't go into those details here - this isn't "John Hummel is an atheist and you should be too!" This is about other religions and finding out what they're about (compared to what people just *think* their about).

I came to this decision after a long time of thought, debate, reasoning, and honestly, a lot of anguish because I feared how my family, friends, and loved ones would react if I admitted the truth to them that I did not believe in any kind of a divine being, any more than I believe in Santa Claus or unicorns.

Let me make a confession here: I stayed in the closet as an atheist because I was a coward. I didn't trust how much my wife really loved me, so I kept my feelings about the matter mostly secret. When I went in for church interviews, and they came to the part where they asked "Do you believe in God," much to my shame I lied and said "Yes." I felt it was easier to do that than face the stigma about being honest.

This ate at me. I was ashamed not because of my beliefs, but because of how I feared other people would react to them. So I kept those beliefs hidden. And, I'll be honest, in the LDS church, that was pretty easy. People may disagree, but I felt there was a culture of dogma. Most of the people lean towards conservative politics, to the point that I had people in a "I'm joking but not really" way tell me you couldn't be a Democrat and be a Mormon in good standing.

While people in the LDS church are told to pray and find their own path, it's also pretty clear that obedience is the proper response to - anything. It creates a problem. People are encouraged to think for themselves - as long as they reach the same conclusions as their leadership.

For that decade that I remained in the atheist closet, I still went to church. I still fulfilled my callings. I don't know if anyone noticed that when I gave talks and talked about why people should be good, I never said "because God commanded it," but drew examples from the scriptures that showed that being a good person was the logical choice. When I was asked to teach children, I would bring examples of the people in the Bible and other Mormon scriptures doing good things and how that made them heroic, without mentioning "because God likes it", but "these people were good people because what they did helped others."

I stayed in because I felt the Mormon church was still doing good things. Like helping the poor, the sick, and the needy. Whenever someone needed help moving, I wanted to volunteer. When there was a food drive, I was all for that. I'm not trying to paint myself as a great person, but just give an idea of what I find important. As long as I felt the LDS church was, on the whole, doing Good things, then I could continue to give my name and support to the organization.

I want to mention something else. Even if I was still a theist, even if I still believed in God, I would still be opposed to the idea of mandating the LDS church's religious beliefs into law for other people to follow. One of the principles of the LDS church is the 11th article of faith:

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

Trying to get their beliefs put into law, I felt, violated this principle. They could believe whatever they wanted, but by pushing to outlaw gay marriage, they were saying "You know, you might believe based on your religious beliefs that gay marriage is OK - but we don't care. We find it icky, so you can't do it." It would be the same if the LDS church pushed for a Constitutional amendment prohibiting the sale of alcohol even to people who weren't Mormon - oh, wait, they did that too.

So why did I leave? I left because I believed in the John Stuart Mill idea of liberty: that you can tell someone anything you want, but as long as they aren't directly effecting your life, you shouldn't do anything to them. They want to walk around naked in their house? As long as you don't see it, you shouldn't give a crap.

As my father said, "My rights end at the edge of your nose." Say what you want, but the second you try to make them do something - you're in the wrong.

The LDS church said for years they didn't support gay marriage. I felt that was their right to do so. I disagreed, because other people getting married does not effect my marriage. (If you believe other people's marriages really effects yours, I suggest you ask yourself why you're so focused on what other people are doing in the bedroom. Pervert.)

However, the moment that the LDS church pushed to codify their beliefs into law - force others to comply with their religious beliefs, then they crossed a line I could not agree with.

I had remained in the LDS church even though I did not believe in a divine being because I felt they were doing good. When they moved to push their religious beliefs into law, I believed they were doing wrong - so I left. Withdrew my membership, and said they could no longer use my name or support for their activities.

It's not that once the LDS church started handing out ballots in church saying "Sign this to outlaw gay marriage" I went "Dang, I just decided I'm an atheist!"

What it did, however, was provide the "straw that broke the camel's back", and prompt me to come out of the closet and admit that I did not believe in God - and that I would not allow my name, my income and resources to assist a religion in an endeavor that I felt was immoral and violated my principles of legal rights.

I hope that clears things up.